Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world. --John Milton

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

My Baby Swims (Part 1)

I arrive at the birth center. I'm eight centimeters dilated - oh good! Apparently I'm moving along quickly for a first timer. That thought doesn't make the next contraction any easier. I'm swept away. So much for being in control! I wail.

The water. Oh the warm water is instant comfort. But then another contraction - wasn't there something about water being less painful than with an epidural? How could pain get worse? Then it does. I scream. I don't know the full capability of my lungs until I scream. Now so does my husband - ten inches from my panic.

This baby's not going to fit. I can't do this. I suddenly decide I don't want to give birth. It's too terrifying, too real. (So this is me in transition.) "Is he going to fit?" I implore my unflappable midwife. She assures me, yes.

I collapse again over the side of the birth tub til the next one. Then she says it: "Instead of screaming, push down." And I remember the words of a long-time mom, "When it's too much, and no one else can go there with you - God will." I think, the only way, is through this.

I close my mouth. And push.

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